n “Last Comic Standing” (NBC): This should be called “Least Comic Standing” because it is NOT FUNNY. The tiny clips they show of the contestants are usually bereft of humor and you have to wonder why the contestants are even being chosen. Then you realize that the judges are about as funny as cancer in a child.

n “Nashville Star” (NBC): For those that thought Kristy Lee Cooke should have won “American Idol” there’s this show. Hannah Montana’s dad Billy Ray hosts it; so don’t tell your heart because it just wouldn’t understand. Believe it or not, this is the sixth season of this show. The winner gets to perform at the Summer Olympics in Beijing. Hope they provide them with some armor!

n “Celebrity Circus” (NBC): Six celebrities will learn a circus act and perform for viewer votes. PLEASE let a lion maul one of them. For the sake of all that is good in the world, we need a few less C-list celebrities willing to humiliate themselves for the sake of a buck and some TV face time.

n “I Survived A Japanese Game Show” (ABC): Have you ever seen a Japanese game show? They make ours look like “Masterpiece Theatre” combined with “Scholastic Challenge.” So this should be an unpleasant combination of cultural shock, humiliation and raw fish. (Of course “I Survived A Japanese Internet Porn Movie” might be a better show, and it would be the same combination.)

n “Greatest American Dog” (CBS): You know this will include the gratuitous poop shot every episode. Supposedly it will be a combination of “Big Brother” and “American Idol.” Only Triumph, the Comic Insult Dog, dry-humping the contestants could save this show.

n “High School Musical: Summer Competition” (ABC): Barely legal contestants from all over the country will hone their musical skills as they face weekly elimination on this show. No word on how many will leak naked photos on the Internet during the summer.

If they are willing to air this crap, here are a few suggestions:

n “Stormtrooper vs. Trekkie”: People who dress up as “Star Wars” Stormtroopers on weekends will face off against “Star Trek” fans in a weekly contest. The biggest losers will be eliminated.

n “America’s Top Cat Lady”: Old maids from across America will live in a house with several thousand cats in a “Big Brother”-style competition. Most will die from ammonia poisoning.

n “The Plushie Bachelor”: A man who dresses up as a furry cartoon rabbit will seek a wife from 50 women who will pretty much do anything to be on TV.

n “Celebrity in Real Life”: B-list celebrities are forced to get real jobs and actually do an honest day’s labor. They then have to survive on whatever money they earn. The winner gets a personality and a sense of humility. Actually they’ll get a book deal to write about “the truths they learned and the triumph of working.” They’ll then do a book tour and a reality show about it.

Contact Rich Macialek at rmaciale@centredaily.com.