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closeIn a stunt worthy of reality television, this year’s Emmys will be hosted by the five nominees in the new category recognizing — you guessed it — reality TV show hosts. It’s so evil genius, you have to wonder if it was Ryan Seacrest’s idea. That guy is so busy, it makes sense that he’d delegate his Emmy-hosting duties to four of his best frienemies, and maybe sabotage Heidi Klum’s dress Miss-Puerto-Rico-style while he’s at it. Auf Wiedersehen, Mrs. Seal!
But anyway. This is a smart move by Emmy on several levels. First of all, last year’s ceremony was a snoozefest (James Spader wins — again!) with not enough viewers and too much Seacrest. Second, this year’s two most-nominated programs are shows that no one’s watching: AMC’s “Mad Men” and NBC’s “30 Rock.” Conversely, millions of fans tune in to shows hosted by our fair Emmy hosts-to-be: “American Idol” (Seacrest), “Dancing with the Stars” (Tom Bergeron), “Survivor” (Jeff Probst), “Deal or No Deal” (Howie Mandel) and “Project Runway” (Klum). And how awkward will it be for these attention hogs to share one stage? Discuss.
It’s possible some looky-loos will tune in to ABC on Sept. 21 just to see if Heidi and Seacrest do the cha-cha-cha. After all, in reality TV, anything worth doing is worth overdoing, and no one knows that better than the host of “American Idol.” In fact, I’ve just been informed that this year’s Emmys will include one hour of Ford commercials disguised as musical numbers.
But why stop there? I’d like to see Emmy get really creative by turning the telecast into a live competition for the outstanding reality TV host category — Battle of the Reality TV Hosts! — with America texting in votes throughout the ceremony. Seacrest — call me.
Speaking of people who are overexposed, “Pam: Girl On The Loose” debuts Sunday on E!, because apparently the network is under the impression that there are parts of Pamela Anderson the world has not yet seen. While Pam tries to give viewers what they’re presumably tuning in for by narrating much of the show from her bathtub, the pilot contains mostly mundane footage of Pam cooking with her mom and organizing an estate sale. Celebrities: They’re Just Like Us!
Finally, “The Real Housewives of NYC” is adding a sixth housewife when the reality show returns to Bravo sometime in 2009. Not to worry, this doesn’t mean Alex McCord and her creepy-yet-fascinating husband, Simon van Kempen, got ousted from the club. All five of the original New York housewives will be back for season two, plus new cast member Kelly Bensimon. Bensimon is apparently a designer, model, author and fashion editor who also writes for Hamptons Magazine and manages to author books, operate a jewelry line AND raise two children! Does anyone fact-check these bios, or do the housewives just get to describe themselves however they want? I still find Countess LuAnn’s whole “We gave the Statue of Liberty to America” story a bit suspect.
And now, on to the usual suspects:
• “Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood”
Tori mingles with fans at a book signing at The Grove in Los Angeles, where she is promoting her memoir. Tori Fan: “I’m a fan of Tori. I wanted to know what it was like to be friends with Shannen Doherty. Shannen was my favorite originally, but Shannen won’t meet me, because she’s mean.” Well, so-called “fan,” if you read Tori’s book, you’d know that being friends with Shannen Doherty pretty much sucks.
• “Project Runway”
The designers are tasked with making an eco-friendly cocktail dress using “green” fabrics. Stella: “This is ridiculous. This is fabric that I never even go to shop for stuff like this. I just want to stick to my leather. Burn it up, dye it up, grommet it, stud it, spike it. I want to make my leather.” Speaking of leather, what up with Blayne’s face? Lay off the tanning bed, dude.(9 p.m. Wednesdays, Bravo)
• “Date My Ex: Jo and Slade”
Jo goes on a round of first dates with four men while ex-fiance Slade Smiley (ironically) scowls in the distance. Martin: “I think Jo was impressed by the fact that I knew a lot about a lot. I speak Danish, Swedish, Norwegian, Polish and English.” The language of love? Not so much. (10 p.m. Mondays, Bravo)
• “Ashley Paige: Bikini or Bust”
Designer bikini guru Ashley Paige decides to hold a Bikini Dog Wash to pay her $5,000 veterinarian bill: “I want it to be a high-end bikini dog wash, with champagne, hors d’oeuvres, and we’re in bikinis.” OK, first of all, no wonder you can’t afford to pay your bills. Who washes dogs in designer bikinis? And how is it cost-effective to buy champagne and hors d’oeuvres for people who are getting their dogs washed? In related news, Ashley tells her therapist: “Why am I even doing this? I’m in debt and I owe all this money.” (10 p.m. Fridays, TLC)
• “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List”
Comedian Mario Cantone comforts Kathy after her jokes about gay people adopting children don’t go over so well during a show in Bora Bora: “Mario Cantone was trying to make me feel better, which was really nice of him. But you know, he’s in the ‘Sex and the City’ movie, what does he care? He doesn’t have to perform for an island full of angry gay guys.” Actually, you know what would have probably gone over better on an island full of gay guys? Mario Cantone. (10 p.m. Thursdays, Bravo)
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