In what my governor, and yours, says is liberty and common sense, a new law states motorcyclists no longer have to wait more than two minutes for red lights to turn green. Just be careful, look both ways, and shoot through.
We all know motorcyclists and politicians practice good sense, always. This is the governor of a state that doesn't require helmets on motorcyclists. It is liberty, freedom, to have your head opened up like a sardine can.
I can see the biker now, looking at his Rolex at two in the morning: "One thousand and one, one thousand and two, one thousand and three ..."
This is the same guy, your governor, who some say might be a vice president, who led the charge to cut property taxes so rich people didn't have to pay so much for the rest to go to school anymore.
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As a freedom lover myself, and certainly a proponent of common sense -- for example, I will drink light beer in a pinch if there is nothing else -- I now propose the following laws be changed immediately:
• Push that overflowing shopping cart through the line that says "10 items or less." Tell the lady with just a gallon of milk: "Hey, miss, have you no common sense? I cannot wait for milk. Or you. I am a man of freedom."
• Water your lawn immediately, all day and night. Sure, there is a drought. Sure, it is illegal right now. So what? It rained cats and dogs Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon. Tell the guy who writes you a summons for illegal watering: "Have you no respect for liberty? For freedom? This water came free from the sky."
• Demand to buy beer on Sunday in York County. Is it freedom to have to drive to North Carolina for a six-pack while the NASCAR race is on? I dare say that the lawmakers of this state are trampling on my common sense freedom to buy as much beer, wine and Crown Royal as I can carry on Sunday.
• It cannot be common sense or liberty-loving to deny me the right to refill, time after time, my kids' drink cups at McDonald's without paying for a drink cup of my own. Are we not free to have free refills, no matter who drinks them? Is it not common sense to allow free soft drinks, and handfuls of ketchup packets, even though technically it is theft?
• Get rid of the speed limit. Anywhere. Rain, ice, curved roads, whatever. What cop or judge can tell me 120 mph over the Catawba River bridge during an ice storm wasn't me just being free and sensible?
• Tear the tags off your mattresses.
• Outlaw the poor. I was broke for a good part of my young adult life when I was free as a bird, and I was a yoke on all rich people who had class. I had the gall to be dead broke and walk down streets alongside people with money, my unsightly gait more of a lurch. I swam from their beaches, sneered at their bad art often subsidized by your tax dollars. I now have about $16 in my pocket. But I have freedom and common sense -- I roar through life without a helmet -- just like motorcyclists and politicians.