Lately, some politicians seem to compete to embarrass themselves and us because we ever considered that any could lead anything more than sheep. The economy stinks. Job cuts fall like meat axes. So many of us are broke.
Clowns weep in public.
However, about 20 ladies from two York County-based Red Hat Ladies groups that populate the world to save it from the boredom that stalks us all have decided to save us.
Saturday at the stroke of noon, members of Dorothy's Silver Queens and the Razzle Dazzle Dames will arrive at the Rock Hill Hooters restaurant on Celanese Road. Most shall disembark Buicks, Cadillacs and maybe a Chevy Caprice '66 convertible -- firetruck red with a black top, I presume -- and strut inside.
Never miss a local story.
Therein, among the waitresses in the white tank tops tighter than a Republican's stomach at a wet T-shirt contest, all shall compete to see who has the "best hooters."
Most are in their 60s. Many are grannies.
"My granddaughter thinks it's a 'hoot,'" said Diane Holder of Clover, one of the organizers and clearly a punster to be reckoned with. She is the grand dame of those Razzle Dazzle Dames, and for good reason.
All will show off what God gave 'em -- maybe even flash a Social Security check to boot -- and a little more.
Most, if not all, will augment with implants. Sort of: A flair of clothing, crepe paper or whatever strikes their fancy to make displays as ostentatious as possible. The wilder, the bigger, the better.
Natural is allowed -- "By all means, come as you are, if what you have is enough," flatly stated Dorothy "Dot" Mitchem, another grandmother and organizer whose name bears the mark of the Silver Queens -- but almost anything to make size add up is sure OK by these ladies. There's not a stuffed shirt among them -- except on Saturday.
"Stuff 'em, probably, is what most will do," Mitchem said. "Most of us are pretty tame. It'll be a riot, but we're not going to pull off and throw our bras, if that's what you are asking."
That's exactly what I was asking.
The idea came up to throw a little more excitement into the monthly meetings of these clubs that often raise money for service projects while having a good time. Saturday just might mean raising a little more money and having an even better time.
Holder said she's planning a "Bra hat," but gave no details so as not to give away her secrets.
"I'm making it myself," she said. "Yes, we will have some ladies who will decorate their hooters."
Most of the contestants are in their 60s, but a few are young vixens in their 50s. Others are even younger, barely legal to go to a Hooters, I bet.
But that is just these York County Red Hat Ladies. If anybody else wants to show up and see if she might be biggest, or best, show up.
One lady is coming down from North Carolina, a lass whom Holder said, "doesn't have much to start with. But she will have when we get through with her."
I salute you, Silver Queens and Dazzle Dames. You flaunt whimsy, and style. And on Saturday, apparently all will flaunt a whole lot more.