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Potter fans, be careful what you wish for

(This column is about Harry Potter, and even though I think enough time has passed that I could reasonably discuss the end of the book, I won't. So feel free to tread in the no-spoiler zone.)

It's been nearly two weeks since the world cracked the spine on Harry Potter's final adventure, and probably one week and six days since hardcore fans learned the fate of the boy wizard.

There's no denying that the Potter books have been an event. The wizarding world created by J.K. Rowling is accessible to both girls and boys alike. They made kids feel good about being kids, and gave them an extraordinary character that they could relate to on an ordinary level.

More than simply being a distraction from puberty and the horrors of adolescence, the books instead acted as a partner through them. And with the notable exception of fundamental religious types, everyone around the world seemed to get caught up in it. I even know a few "World Of Warcraft" gamers that gave their addled brains a couple-hour breather from raiding to break into the final Potter entry.

But no matter how those some 760 pages of "Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows" ended, it seems we've seen the last of "The Boy Who Lived" -- at least in book form.

Or have we?

Why should readers be satisfied with the conclusion of "Hallows?" Sure the books will still nestle with each other on bookshelves everywhere, waiting to be re-read or to provide future generations with joy, but maybe that's not enough. Already, there's much clamoring to wean susceptible readers onto other magical series.

So far all of the heir-to-Harry candidates -- be it "Septimus Heap," a tale of wizards and princesses, the fairie-filled "Spiderwick Chronicles," or even the family-of-genie series, "Children of The Lamp" -- target younger readers and not the high school and college-aged fans that grew up with Potter and are currently experiencing a significant pop-cultural chasm in their young adulthoods.

Which is exactly why they should be given what they're begging for on all those Internet boards out there: more Harry Potter. Although it seems Rowling has retired from the game of magic, I'm certain Hollywood would be happy to cut her out of the creative picture and give Harry a little Americanized "re-imagining."

As soon as they finished the final Potter book, older audiences most likely realized how much of their childhood was spent reading thousands of pages and will decide it's time for a TV break. They'll also have older entertainment needs and crave what's been missing in the Potter series -- more ultraviolence, sex and plotlines that can be resolved within an hour each week.

Well, it could happen ...

And so, I bring you -- from the network that brought you "Everwood," "Smallville" and "Charmed" -- "Harry Potter, American Wizard."

Picture it: Harry Potter is a transfer student to Hogwart Hills Community College in West Los Angeles, Calif.

Harry (minus glasses or unsightly scar, played by dreamy tousled-haired teen Zac Efron) lives with distant cousins Bailey, Charlie, Claudia and Julia Salinger, and his godfather, a talking Rottweiler named Sirius.

At school, the young wizarding major is tormented by Draco, a frosted-blonde, secretly gay leader of the popular clique, The Plastic Wands. Luckily, he can count on 'roid-raging redheaded friend, Ron who's a star on the intramural football team (OK, it can be at least be a gold football with wings).

Meanwhile, the object of Ron's affections -- we'll just call her Ginger Granger and drop the Hermione bit -- is crushing on Harry, who in turn is crushing on Ron's sister, Ginny, who in turn is having an illicit affair with young, dark-haired self-defense teacher, Mr. Snape played by "The O.C."'s Adam Brody.

Say goodbye to the pale, snakelike character of Voldemort and say hello to Von Morton, the eee-vil scorned ex-lover of Harry's mother played by tan, snakelike actor Julian McMahon from "Nip/Tuck." Von Morton wants Harry dead, but why -- and what does it have to do with Cedric, the dead boyfriend of Harry's ex, Cho?

Can Harry survive wizarding college? Is Von Morton Harry's real father?

Will there be a rooftop makeout session with Granger and Snow Patrol playing in the background? And will Dean Dumbledore, played by Samuel L. Jackson, ever reveal the mystery behind Harry's lightning bolt nosering?

Expect cheesy effects, hackneyed plots, lots of double-entendre wand jokes and the defiling of a beloved icon.

But because you asked for it -- and keep asking for it, and crass Hollywood execs will eventually give it to you -- the legend will continue on The CW Network. And all it will cost you is an hour on Wednesday nights and your fond childhood memories.

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