Rock Hill Herald Logo

How the heck do you tie those things? | Rock Hill Herald

×
  • E-edition
  • Home
  • Customer Service
  • Mobile & Apps
  • Newsletters
  • Archives

    • All News
    • Local News
    • Local Traffic Cam
    • North Carolina
    • South Carolina
    • Business
    • Education
    • NIE
    • Crime
    • More News
    • Andrew Dys
    • Nation/World
    • Politics/Government
    • Weird News
    • Databases
    • Down Home Magazine
    • Physicians Directory
    • Fort Mill Times
    • Fort Mill Times Sports
    • Submit a News Tip
    • Submit a Letter to the Editor
    • All Sports
    • Panthers
    • College
    • Winthrop
    • High School
    • High School Football
    • Auto Racing
    • Politics
    • Elections
  • Obituaries
    • All Opinion
    • Editorial
    • Letters to the Editor
    • Submit a Letter
    • To the Contrary
    • James Werrell
    • Palmetto Opinion
    • All Living
    • Community
    • Weddings
    • Engagements
    • Anniversaries
    • Births
    • Religion
    • Family
    • Home & Garden
    • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • Books
    • Calendar
    • Movies
    • Music
    • Puzzles & Games
    • Rewards
    • Horoscopes

  • Legals
  • Cars
  • Jobs
  • Moonlighting
  • Virtual Career Fair
  • Homes
  • Classifieds

James Werrell

How the heck do you tie those things?

By James Werrell - James Werrell

    ORDER REPRINT →

March 28, 2008 12:14 AM

The Internet is good for something. I used it the other day to learn how to tie a bowtie.

I was going to an affair that required me to wear a tuxedo ... well, more precisely, it was "black tie optional," but I didn't want anyone to think I don't have my own tuxedo.

I do, actually. In fact I have a tuxedo coat, two pairs of tuxedo pants, and a few tuxedo shirts -- all purchased second-hand. My cummerbund, studs and tie were inherited, passed down from my father's uncle and used at different times in our lives by my brothers and me.

When I needed them the other day, however, the cummerbund and tie were nowhere to be found. I wear a tuxedo so infrequently that it's hard to remember where I've put the different parts when I need them.

SIGN UP

Sign Up and Save

Get six months of free digital access to The Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

#ReadLocal

Anyway, I had to borrow the cummerbund and tie from a neighbor. The tie, however, was not a clip-on but one that had to be tied. My friend's wife, in a fit of helpfulness, tied it for me, but unfortunately this was hours before the party and I was wearing a sweat shirt. Unless I could figure out a way to put on my tuxedo shirt under the tie, this wasn't going to work.

Instead, I decided to learn how to tie a bowtie and turned to the Internet for help. When I did a search for "how to tie a bowtie," I got nearly 4.5 million results. I decided to try the first one, a video demonstration.

I was encouraged by the fact that my video guide was an English twit. The English have been tying bowties for centuries, I reasoned, and they ought to know what they're doing.

Well, the technique, which included holding one end of the tie in your teeth while wrapping the other part around your thumb and then sticking the folded part through a loop ... let's just say, it might work for the English, but it didn't for me. The result was a balled-up mess hanging below my Adam's apple. It looked like my cat had tied it.

I tried the next site, another video demonstration. This time, the teacher was from Columbia, a good omen if ever there was one. This site had been judged a very popular link, and I soon found out why. There was, for starters, no putting the tie in your mouth.

The instructions were, in fact, the opposite of the Anglo-mumbo-jumbo I had just watched. They went something like this: "Pull down here; cross the ends over; make a bow; snap these two parts together; put this through here; tighten it up, and there you are!"

Quite amazingly, it worked. It took some practice, of course, but when I had done it a few times, it actually looked like a bowtie. The trick would be to make it work with the rest of the tuxedo.

I'm not sure who invented tuxedoes (probably the English), but they have to rank among the world's most awkward costumes. We are conditioned to think of them as elegant and flattering -- think James Bond off to play a little chemin de fer in Monaco.

But putting together all the bits and pieces is an absolute pain. It's not just the bowtie; it's also the studs, the cufflinks, the suspenders, the little thingy that attaches the cummerbund in the back.

If you want to dress up, what's wrong, may I ask, with khakis, loafers, a button-down shirt, a long tie and a blue blazer?

Anyway, I hauled out the tuxedo and used a black felt tip pen to cover up some small moth holes. Then, after a few false starts, I finally managed to get all the studs and cufflinks on, fasten the cummerbund (pleats up or down? Up, my wife told me, to catch crumbs), climb into shiny black shoes (also second-hand) and, ta-da, tie the bowtie. I can see why the rich hire butlers to do all this for them.

OK, so the moment had come. It was time to check out the results in the full-length mirror.

I can say only this: Bond, James Bond.

  Comments  

Videos

Mark Kingston on South Carolina baseball’s ‘big’ season-opening series win

Duke’s RJ Barrett talks triple-double against NC State

View More Video

Trending Stories

Gamecock great Rick Sanford joins Kornblut’s new statewide SportsTalk show

February 16, 2019 12:13 PM

Suspected thief is beaten by store employees until his pulse stopped, NC cops say

February 17, 2019 02:37 PM

Teacher got her long hair cut short because she was tired of 5-year-old Texas bullies

February 17, 2019 12:02 PM

Riverbanks zoo’s baby gorilla gets a name

February 16, 2019 10:05 AM

Northwestern’s best player had the ball, needing to score. Here’s what happened

February 17, 2019 11:55 AM

Read Next

Journalism has changed over the last 40 years

James Werrell

Journalism has changed over the last 40 years

By James Werrell

jwerrell@heraldonline.com

    ORDER REPRINT →

June 22, 2017 07:09 PM

Many young people, male and female – including English majors like me with few other prospects – saw the life of a reporter as glamorous and exciting.

KEEP READING

Sign Up and Save

#ReadLocal

Get six months of free digital access to The Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

MORE JAMES WERRELL

Hey, is that a caterpillar crawling across your lip?

James Werrell

Hey, is that a caterpillar crawling across your lip?

June 16, 2017 02:13 PM

James Werrell

What’s that slithering across the yard?

June 08, 2017 05:53 PM

James Werrell

Dismantling the statues is a significant move

June 04, 2017 04:15 PM

James Werrell

Roger Moore made mark as James Bond

May 25, 2017 04:52 PM

James Werrell

National reporting is better than ever

May 21, 2017 03:51 PM

James Werrell

Congress must investigate firing of FBI director

May 11, 2017 04:14 PM
Take Us With You

Real-time updates and all local stories you want right in the palm of your hand.

Icon for mobile apps

Rock Hill Herald App

View Newsletters

Subscriptions
  • Start a Subscription
  • Customer Service
  • eEdition
  • Vacation Hold
  • Pay Your Bill
  • Rewards
Learn More
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Newsletters
  • News in Education
  • Archives
Advertising
  • Advertising Information
  • Place Obituary, Celebration
  • Place Classified, Legal
  • Local Deals
Copyright
Commenting Policy
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service


Back to Story