Friday and Saturday at Rock Hill’s Kripsy Kreme is not your ordinary day. Friday is National Doughnut Day. The place will be jammed. Everybody loves a free doughnut. Especially cops.
Cops will be on the roof at the store Friday morning and afternoon and all day and into the night Saturday to raise money for Special Olympics. The doughnut jokes about cops are cliches and stereotypes and still are funny. Cops eat doughnuts with both hands.
Take Ray Murphy. He’s a war veteran and Rock Hill cop, when he stops at the Krispy Kreme the workers applaud. Overtime looms. Murphy, 6 foot 4 and 275 pounds with not an ounce of fat on him, would eat the box after the dozen doughnuts if his fellow officers didn’t tell him to stop.
And Friday, Murphy plans to defend his well-earned belt for fastest dozen doughnut eating cop or firefighter in York County.
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Murphy would give a statement if his mouth was not filled with doughnuts.
He holds a doughnut like a French aristocrat holds a tea cup. Between thumb and index finger, pinkie out, then he eats the whole thing in two bites.
In the cops versus firefighters contest Friday afternoon, Murphy is again the favorite. Then there is a public doughnut-eating contest Saturday at 2 p.m. for a $20 entry fee.
But the morning contest Friday is going to be broadcast live on radio station ESPN 730, with “celebrities.” Media people, politicians, including me who came in last the past two years despite cheating. I lost to everybody. A teenaged girl who weighs 86 pounds beat me.
But this year is different. I brought in a ringer. Actually, two ringers.
Bristow Marchant, political reporter for The Herald, who eats like he has been stranded on a boat for a week, will eat. So will Teddy Kulmala, who covers the cops and firefighters for The Herald yet is as thin as a whippet. He, too, eats like a leopard.
So the line in the sand is drawn. No more coming in last. Politicians, bureaucrats, other media, you are on notice. My ringers are hungry.