Ask Mr. Dad: It’s all a matter of religion

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m Jewish but my wife, who is seven months pregnant, isn’t, which I know means that technically our baby won’t be either. We’ve agreed to raise our child as a Jew, but will we have to convert her?

Wow, you’ve certainly hit on a complicated topic. Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer. Whether you have to convert your child or not depends mostly on whether you’re Reform, Conservative or Orthodox (there are other movements within Judaism, but these are the big three).

You’re absolutely correct that because your wife isn’t Jewish, your baby won’t be considered Jewish either – but that’s only true for the Orthodox and Conservative movements. If you’re Reform, the fact that you are Jewish will be good enough – as long as Judaism is the child’s only religion and he or she makes some kind of public demonstration of Jewishness later in life (having a bar- or bat-mitzvah, for example).

Interestingly, the one area where all three movements are pretty much in agreement (a very, very rare occurrence) is when it comes to adoption. If you were adopting a child you knew was born to a non-Jewish mother, the baby would have to be converted to be considered Jewish – even if both you and your wife were Jewish.

The conversion itself is a pretty simple procedure (it gets more complicated for girls over 12 and boys over 13). Babies of both genders will have a dip in a mikvah (a kind of ritual bath) and either you or the attending rabbi will recite the appropriate prayers. Before baby boys can be dipped, they have to be circumcised by a mohel (someone – usually a man but sometimes a woman – who’s been trained to do circumcisions in accordance with Jewish law). This is true even if the baby boy was already circumcised at the hospital. But in this case the mohel’s circumcision would consist mostly of drawing a ceremonial drop of blood, not the full deal. You’d probably also want to let the circumcision heal for a week or so before the trip to the mikvah.

Another possibility, since you and your wife have decided on how you’re going to raise your child, is for her to convert before the baby is born. Rabbis – even Orthodox ones – generally agree that a baby born to a woman who converted during the pregnancy is Jewish.

If you do decide to go the conversion route (regardless of whether it’s your wife or your baby), keep in mind that not all rabbis accept each other’s conversions. Again, this usually follows “party” lines: Orthodox typically don’t accept Conservative or Reform conversions, Conservatives accept Orthodox but only some Reform conversions, and Reform generally accept everyone’s. Whew!

My suggestion, which I know not everyone will agree with, is that if at all possible, you do an Orthodox conversion even if you’re Reform. No, I’m not pushing a particular lifestyle. The point is that you never know whom your baby will want to marry a few decades (hopefully) from now and an Orthodox conversion will take care of any questions your child’s prospective in-laws or the rabbi who’ll be performing the ceremony might have.

I’d also suggest getting some additional input from your rabbi. You may have other questions that he or she will be able to help you get through.

This story was originally published January 22, 2016 at 10:04 AM with the headline "Ask Mr. Dad: It’s all a matter of religion."