The cost of raising a material girl

Dear Mr. Dad: My 12-year old daughter has become obsessed with designer labels. Basic Levis and generic shoes aren’t good enough anymore. And if I so much as mention the word “Walmart,” she won’t even speak to me. What is going on with her? I find her materialism revolting. Is there anything I can do to stop it?

It’s pretty obvious that you were never an adolescent girl. Same here, but I’ve been through the whole price-tag-obsession thing with my two oldest daughters. So far, my youngest has largely avoided getting sucked into the materialism wars, but that could change any minute.

Although she’s technically not a teenager, your daughter has clearly been affected by peer pressure. And it’s perfectly normal for kids her age (especially girls) to focus at least as much (maybe more) on price tags as on the items those tags are attached to. I remember an exchange with one of my then-teenage daughters who had run out of shampoo and wanted to borrow mine. When I offered her my Costco brand bottle, she sneered and asked whether I had anything “more expensive.” Not better, just more expensive.

One of the most effective ways I’ve found to deal with teens’ materialism is to put them in charge of their own spending. Let’s say you spend $600 per year on your daughter’s wardrobe. Start giving her $50 every month and let her spend it any way she wants (as long as she stays within your family’s agreed-upon boundaries for modesty or whatever other criteria you have). She could spend it all right away or save up for a few months and buy something that might give you a serious case of sticker shock. The key here is that you need to be tough. Don’t let her spend more than she’s got, and don’t let her borrow against next month’s payment.

Trust me, this actually works. At the very least your daughter will learn some very important life lessons about budgeting and saving. Once she’s making her own buying decisions, she’ll learn about the value of sales, and she may even come to the conclusion that a high price and a cool brand name may not be the best way judge a product’s worth.

While all this is going on, it’s important that you acknowledge your daughter’s desire to fit in and let her know that you understand how important her choice of clothes is. In a month or two (or whenever you think she’ll be receptive), encourage her to start thinking outside the boutique and explore cheaper ways to acquire a wardrobe that won’t leave her a fashion pariah.

There are plenty of factory outlets and other retailers on line where she can get hot designer clothes at discount prices. These include bluefly.com, getthelabel.com and even eBay. If any of your daughter’s friends are doing the same thing, they may be able to make other recommendations. If she doesn’t like the online option, local consignment shops often have barely second-hand versions of the hottest clothes. And, if you’re confident you can make a suggestion without getting your head snapped off, you might bring up Goodwill or the Salvation Army — places where she may be able to find practically brand-new, designer rags at, well, thrift-store prices.

If your daughter’s not able to satisfy her cravings within her clothing allowance, she can always find ways to augment it, by babysitting, walking neighbors’ dogs, or doing special projects for you. Seeing how much work she’d have to do to satisfy her inner fashionista may give her the strength to resist peer pressure.

This story was originally published November 27, 2015 at 3:05 PM with the headline "The cost of raising a material girl."