Guardsman adjusting to civilian life

S.C. Army National Guard Capt. Bill Berry spent last Thanksgiving Day on an Army base in Afghanistan, packing equipment for a mission to teach soldiers how to handle roadside bombs.

During his 13-month deployment, the Rock Hill man often had to leave the base and travel to Afghanistan, sometimes for days, placing him in jeopardy nearly every day.

"The hair stood up on the back of my neck a few times," said Berry, 47. "Any time you're outside of the gate, there is danger."

Berry and the 175 other soldiers of the 178th Engineer Battalion arrived home in May. This year, they will celebrate the holidays with their families as they continue to adjust to civilian lives.

Readjusting to civilian life can be fraught with problems for returning soldiers. Military officials say they may face issues that vary from mild to severe, depending on their experience.

Always on alert

Although Berry is glad to be back with his wife and daughter, readjusting to home, family and work after living in a constant state of danger has been a challenge.

Sometimes, he doesn't sleep well, and his wife, Rose, says he talks loudly in his sleep. He gets angry when he knows he shouldn't. And he feels anxious in crowds and doesn't want to socialize.

Hugs and kisses, even from Rose, can make him feel rigid because he didn't have that kind of affection for many months. At times, he still feels like he's in Afghanistan, where getting stuck in traffic could mean death. Over there, every new person is a potential enemy. So Berry stays on alert.

There is no switch to turn off Berry's survival mode. And although he is adjusting, it's been slow.

During his debriefing, Berry was told he would experience these problems. The S.C. National Guard offers counseling and classes for soldiers and their families. And Rose had learned how to help her husband with his adjustment through her work as a family assistance specialist for the guard.

Some of the things Berry saw in Afghanistan are too painful to talk about. The death of other soldiers is one of the hardest things to deal with.

"There are several memorial services that stick with you, even if it wasn't someone that you worked with on a day-to-day basis," Berry said.

The Pentagon estimates 44 percent of National Guard soldiers who served in Afghanistan might require mental health treatment three to six months after their return. About 14 percent of those are diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

The mental strain is because of exposure to death, destruction and living in a constant state of danger, O'Conner said. "When you come home, and come out of the war zone, that's when you spend a lot of time thinking about these things," he said.

Fear and pride

Berry, a parks supervisor for Rock Hill and a retired National Guardsman, was called out of retirement in January 2007 to serve in Afghanistan.

He said the military needed him to train soldiers in the handling of roadside bombs. It was the first time in his 26-year military career that he was deployed in a conflict. He was especially concerned about being responsible for the lives of others.

In late January 2007, Berry left for training in Mississippi. He came home for a final visit in April 2007 before leaving for Afghanistan.

Rose Berry, 47, had mixed emotions about him leaving. "You go back and forth between fear that something would happen and being proud that they are willing to serve," she said.

Dani Berry, the couple's 20-year-old daughter, hoped he wouldn't really have to go. "They get called up for a lot of things and then don't have to go," Dani said.

But he did go. Dani, now a Winthrop University junior, said her father stayed in touch with phone calls, but he traveled often, so days or weeks could pass before he'd call. Sometimes she would miss the calls. "Being a student, I couldn't always pick up the phone," she said.

In February, Berry returned home for 10 days. Rose met him at the airport for a joyful reunion, and he drove the couple back to their home. Rose said he drove fast and erratically -- a military tactic used to avoid being a target.

"I was terrified," Rose said.

In Afghanistan, Berry spent nights in many different places, often surrounded by unfamiliar people. He never quite let his guard down.

"You have your head on a swivel a bit," he said.

In May, Berry arrived back in the United States. He spent 10 days at an army post and then returned to Rock Hill.

Since Berry has been home, his wife has noticed changes.

"He is quieter than he was. He doesn't have as much patience as he did before he left, and he doesn't have as much tolerance as when he left," she said.

'A culture shock'

In August 2007, the S.C. Army National Guard created a program to smooth soldiers' transition into civilian life.

Living in danger, being injured or witnessing death can cause emotional problems and make the transition more difficult, O'Conner said.

Emotional troubles can cause disrupted sleep, excessive anger, crowd anxiety and marital problems. Some soldiers might turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or other negative behaviors, even suicide, O'Conner said.

One problem Berry struggles with is anger over insignificant things. One day, he said a woman beeped at him in traffic, and he wanted to get out and confront her. But he didn't.

He has found a way to deal with the anger.

"The best thing is to talk to people -- like one of the guys I lived with," he said.

He also has trouble sleeping.

"It's a good night if I sleep four hours," he said. "I usually wake up every two hours."

He often talks to other soldiers who understand. But O'Conner said that can be difficult for some soldiers because guardsmen are scattered across the state.

"You had a huge psychological bond with someone. Now that person is gone," O'Conner said. The guard offers events to bring the soldiers together, he said.

Soldiers who come home realize that life has gone on while they were gone, O'Conner said. Berry was surprised at how much York County had grown.

"It's a culture shock. You ride down the road and there is a new neighborhood where there was nothing. A two-lane road is now a four-lane," he said. "Dutchman Creek Middle School was built while I was gone."

Families change, too.

"Mom or dad comes home and they want things to go back to how they were -- that can't happen," O'Conner said.

Children might have turned to others for support. Dani had been very closer to her father. After he was deployed, she turned to her mother for support. They became close.

When Berry returned, Dani began turning back to her father again, which was a change for Rose.

"That was the biggest adjustment when Dad came back," Dani said.

Berry said friends have noticed changes in him. When he's in a crowd, Berry said, he tends to keep track of everyone, because he still feels on guard.

One day, a friend was talking to him in a store as other customers walked nearby. Berry said he felt so overwhelmed that he abruptly left the store.

He returned to his job as a park supervisor last summer. Sometimes, he felt frustrated when people didn't jump to action as soon as he asked them to do something.

"Being a captain in the military, when you say something, a certain amount of people start moving before you finish your sentence," Berry said. "It doesn't always happen in the civilian world."

Despite his reintegration adjustments, Berry said he's glad he served. And he believes there have been benefits to his experience.

After seeing the struggles of the Afghani people, he's more grateful for the freedoms in the United States. And he said he tries to take trivial matters less seriously.

"It changes you as a person," he said. "You've seen things that other people haven't seen. I'm changed forever -- for the good."

Mary Jo Balasco • 329-4067

This story was originally published November 29, 2008 at 11:35 PM with the headline "Guardsman adjusting to civilian life."