Who wouldn’t want to live in Tebowville? Hillary Clintonville? Maybe Deez Nutsville?
The vote on whether Indian Land would become a town, well, it wasn’t close. But landslide sentiments didn’t keep voters from making it interesting.
Almost 11,000 votes came in Tuesday. Most of them — 83 percent — opted not to make a town of Indian Land. But other questions filled out the ballot, too. One of them being what to name the new town, if one was to be created.
The question seemed to get some voters thinking outside the ballot box.
Among the 747 write-in votes were “Tebowville,” “Idiot Land” and “Fancy Town.”
“Lost City” was a “Far Cry” from the leading vote-getter, but each got one. As did “Cash Cow Gone,” “Dufus,” “Utopia,” “Just Over the Border” and “Ubenscrewed.”
“Towny McTownface” got two votes. His cousin “Towny McTownerson” got another.
Some names evoke a lovely place to visit: “Smiley Town,” “Good Morning, Sunshine” and “Sunrise Heights” joined “Camelot,” “Magic Kingdom” and “Fort Awesome.”
“Harmony” and “Celebration” got a pair of votes each. “Pleasantville,” “Sunrise Heights,” “Party Land” and “Fantasy Land” made the list.
What did voters suggest Indian Land be named if it was incorporated? Vote for your favorites (suggested by voters) here:
(Or vote here if on a mobile device.)
Others went the opposite direction. Voters keyed in “Kissmybuttburg,” “Lancaster Co Sucks,” “Looser” and, yes, others even less fit for polite conversation. Two voters wanted to live in “Poop Town.” Others tabbed “Crazyville” and “Abomination.” One was down with “Toilette.” One went to “Hell.”
It’s no surprise Native American names were a theme. “Indian Hill” (three votes) and “Indian Trace” (two) led more than a dozen options including “Warrior Town,” “Native Station,” “Tecumseh” and “Haiglerville.” Others weren’t so keen on keeping with Indian Land’s roots. “The Land Stolen From the Natives,” “Something Less Offensive” and “Native American Land” (two) got votes.
Some suggestions were intimate. “Loveland,” “Sugar Town” and “Pound Town” garnered a vote each. “Intercourse” took two.
Names ventured onto the silver and small screens with “Oz,” “Fort Apache,” “Smallville,” “Tonto Town,” “Tombstone,” “Lego City.” “Mayberry” got seven votes.
There were names presidential — Lincoln, Jackson, Adams, Trump. And the nearly presidential — “Hillary Clintonville.”
Geography made its way into the discussion. There were plenty of derivatives of Fort Mill (36), Pleasant Valley (18), Lancaster (18), Catawba (16), Ballantyne (7), Charlotte (4), Belair (4), Van Wyck (3), Barberville (3), Harrisburg (2), Possum Hollow (2) and Osceola (2).
Some took it to the subdivision level. “Sun City” got 14 votes, “Carolina Lakes” nine more.
Others looked like a run of maps and baby books got mingled the printer. There was “Claire Town,” “Toms Land,” “Gregville,” “Tabitha City (two), “Shanetown.” There was “The Town of Kenny.” Somebody wanted to name the place “Steve.” Someone, presumably, named Steve.
Without context, it’s tough to tell how fond voters are of Northerners, though one could guess. “Yankeeville” (three votes), “Yankee Anex,” “Yankeetown,” “Go Home Yankees,” “South New York” and “New Jersey” (two) made the list. So did “Southland,” “Deep South Town” and “Carpetbagger City.”
Nearly a dozen residents looked to their purses and wallets for town names like “Tax Land” (three), “Taxville” (two), “High Tax,” “Overtaxville” and “Taxamora.”
Some went with Indian Land’s known attractions. “Town of Traffic Lights” and “Developer Land, Inc.” got votes.
Not everyone was so creative. Of the 747 write-ins, 40 percent were some version of Indian Land. Nearly the exact choice voters had on the ballot itself. Another 66 voters, or 9 percent, went with some version of “anything but Indian Land.”
From “Fort Thrill” to “Deez Nutsville,” “Jabbawakky Land” to “Suplex City,” voters showed a wide range of ideas on a night where an overwhelming majority went in the same direction.
Making the write-in of one Shelley Mullis precinct voter perhaps the most fitting of them all.
“Notatown.”
Peruse through the names voters suggested in case Indian Land was incorporated:
This story was originally published March 29, 2018 at 12:14 PM with the headline "Who wouldn’t want to live in Tebowville? Hillary Clintonville? Maybe Deez Nutsville?."