Besides giving thanks, give forgiveness

A while back, on the seven-hour drive home from a Jewish educational conference in Jackson, Miss., one of the passengers in the car startled us by issuing a blanket apology saying, “If I've done anything to offend either of you these past four days, I am really sorry. I did not mean to. I hope you will forgive me.”

Her apology was graceful and unequivocal. And humbling.

It's hard to apologize and ask for forgiveness. It’s hard to admit we have not been good, and that we’ve hurt or wronged another.

And sometimes, it's even harder to accept an apology and grant forgiveness. Because forgiving means to let go of the pain, the hurt feelings and the anger. But doing so is a commandment: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your fellow, but you shall not bear a sin on his account” (Leviticus 18:17).

To bear a grudge is to carry your own load of wrongness.

Letting go of a wrong and forgiving a debt, emotional or otherwise, is liberating. Perhaps one of the most famous stories of forgiveness is Joseph in Egypt telling his brothers in Genesis 45:5 that he forgave them, and perhaps Adonai had arranged things so that he could be there to rescue his family during the times of famine. And Joseph does more than forgive his brothers for selling him into slavery; He sets the family up with good land to ensure their prosperity.

The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, passed in October. On that day, Jews around the world attended synagogue to hear the ancient words of Kol Neidre (All Vows) and ask God for forgiveness of our sins against Him.

But there is more to the Days of Awe and Yom Kippur than asking forgiveness for the transgressions between humans and God.

The Jewish High Holy Days are an explicit time of apologizing for the wrongs done to others and asking for their forgiveness. To quote Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, “...we believe that just as only God can forgive sins against God, so only human beings can forgive sins against human beings.”

This is not just the big stuff. This is asking for forgiveness for the simple, daily cruelties like the sin of “evil tongue” or gossip, of making fun of the beliefs of others. Of name calling. That daily casual dismissal of the humanity in others, which encourages us forget how much we have in common, and instead, focus on our differences.

And allow those differences to divide us.

Christian writings have a similar viewpoint. There is much in Christian liturgy and in the New Testament focusing on forgiveness for human transgressions. I think of the Book of Matthew, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

What would the impact be if you to forgave someone for a wrong they have done you? How could it change your relationship? Forgiveness will grant you freedom. Freedom from carrying the weight of hurt and bitterness and anger.

As we move into the season of Thanksgiving, perhaps it’s a time to make this effort. To let go of hurtful words or actions and find true forgiving. Is there a truer way to live one’s faith, than by modeling the love, and forgiveness we hope to receive from others?

This story was originally published November 14, 2016 at 2:50 PM with the headline "Besides giving thanks, give forgiveness."