Opinion: Coyote problem in Fort Mill and Tega Cay? You’re not looking at the big picture

“The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.”

- Captain Jack Sparrow

We don’t have a coyote problem. We have a people problem. A building permit problem.

Listen, I get it. If I was out walking, and a coyote appeared, I’d feel frightened too. More than frightened, I’d feel panicked. Wild animals are unnerving when you’re not used to seeing any. They’re unknown, unpredictable, driven by instincts. Will they attack me? My dogs? Should I run?

No!

Will that provoke them? Yes. Leave the coyote alone. It’s probably just curious; you’re as foreign to them as they are to you. Be loud, be bold, cause a scene, and that coyote will probably run away. They might pause and look back at you and who wouldn’t? You look crazy stomping around, waving your arms and carrying on, but believe me, coyotes don’t want any of your crazy. Be smart, educate yourself. Read about how to avert an attack, just in case their curiosity gets the best of them.

You take self defense classes in case a stranger attacks you in the Wal-Mart parking lot, why wouldn’t you read about how to avert a wild animal attack too?

Before we sit around and fuss about a coyote problem, maybe we should figure out how the problem started. Start taking responsibility for the problem. A problem we created. Start asking questions. Start researching answers.

I walk my dogs at night, quite often. I hear the snap of tiny twigs and the crush of fallen leaves under the weight of unfamiliar paws, edged with razor sharp claws. I’m well aware that keen eyes with built in night vision are curiously watching me as I, with my lack of night vision, peer into dark woods, face to face with predators of many kinds. We all love to watch those calm and graceful, gentle, majestic deer, but let me tell you, they can and will head butt, stomp, and beat you to death, then laugh about it with the rest of their herd.

Wait until one snorts, and stomps the ground at you, and you too will need a change of britches.

I’ve done my homework. I’ve read up on these so called monster coyotes that are terrorizing our simple way of life. Have you? Or have you fed the fear of the unknown and spiraled into a pitchfork wielding, tar and torch mob? Are you educated about the matter or are you content to let someone else think, speak, and act for you?

Let’s take a look at the facts here, shall we?

Fort Mill is 4.6 square miles. Feels so much bigger, doesn’t it? Well it’s not. There are well over 13,000 people living in these four miles.

Tega Cay has well over 7,000 people living in 2.5 square miles. Now tell me: how many Harris Teeters are less than 10 minutes away as you read this? Three. How many Starbucks? Seven (including ones in those Harris Teeters). How many storage unit companies? Fourteen. How many miles is it from the Dunkin Donuts on the corner of S.C. 160 and Gold Hill Road to the new Dunkin Donuts they’re building on the same road? That’s 1.9 miles and barely enough of a walk to burn off a donut. How many apartment buildings are going up as we speak? Less than two miles of each other? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Suffocated?

Every morning, when you wake up and notice yet another construction barrel, yet another “Land For Sale” sign, yet another Caterpillar, parked and waiting like a school yard bully…You should be getting more and more antsy. Every new construction site raises the risk of you being attacked by a coyote. The coyote isn’t the problem. Our greed, our consumerism, our foolish need for constant convenience is the problem.

How ironic is that you people will go the Anne Springs Close Greenway and chirp on and on and on about the beauty of nature, the wonder of land, the fresh air, the stunning shimmer of sun on water, and oh, wow, birds and squirrels! Even an unidentifiable paw print, ooh, its magic, what animal could it possibly belong to? Look, kids, a deer track! Wow, what a happy family Saturday, escaping the hustle and bustle of seven Starbucks, death defying left hand turns into the angry congestion of overpriced vehicles, and oh, yes, that constant cell phone notifying you that someone has liked the photo that you took of “such a beautiful day in nature with the fam!”

Coyotes walk 3.1-9.9 miles a day. That coyote you saw last night? Might just be passing through. Might not even be in town when you wake up. Let alone hiding outside your house waiting to eat you.

And if it is? Guess why? Coyotes can become dependent, can become accustomed to handouts. You’re leaving cat/dog food out for that pet you leave outside occasionally? Coyotes don’t know it’s not for them. It’s an open invitation. You didn’t Sharpie your pet’s initials onto that snack. Trash cans stuffed with yummy leftovers that you couldn’t finish but didn’t want to leave at the restaurant, knowing full well you weren’t going to eat them when you brought them home? Coyotes are just excited for the break from having to find and kill dinner.

That’s take-out for them, baby.

And you? Not in a coyotes’ diet. Coyotes eat rabbits, rats, fish, feral cats, (the ones people involuntarily bred because they didn’t spay/neuter their own) frogs, insects, snakes, fruit, grass, pet food, garbage, and, if it’s a big night, the occasional deer …perhaps they’re celebrating an anniversary, or maybe having a reunion. With what’s left of their pack. When a coyote is accustomed to being fed, and they’re watching you put out their dinner…They aren’t going to run when they see you. Why would they? You don’t run when you see the samples lady at Sam’s Club.

They aren’t running when they see you, because they don’t have anywhere to run to. They’re learning to live with you, just like you learned to live next that annoying, obnoxious neighbor of yours. Why won’t he just put pants on already!?

Grass. Coyotes eat grass. Snakes. They eat snakes. You should be thanking these furry pest control friends of yours.

Let’s revisit the square miles we all share. Tega Cay seems to be having the most problems with coyotes. 2.5 miles of land, loaded with fish, snakes, and frogs, and just enough thick wood for shelter. Coyotes can’t exactly branch out much further, since every time they try, they’re hit by almost all 15,000 of the cars that we complain about daily as we try to get onto I-77 from the Gold Hill ramp, or shot by overzealous hunters who think spotting a coyote trying to get away from all the humans is fair game and they can’t exactly go live on the Greenway, as it is quite often the host of loud, crowded events. Coyotes don’t like people, remember? It’s also overrun by it’s own struggling animal tribes, and is quite quickly becoming a starving reservation for animals, as they are all suffocating together on land that we quartered off and said, “Here’s a small bit of the land you used to roam, make do.”

How familiar a storyline, eh?

We don’t have a coyote problem. We have a building permit problem. For those of you, who have moved here in the past fifteen years, don’t fool yourselves into thinking you moved to a quiet, small Southern town. You didn’t. You have no idea what a small, quiet, Southern town is, because Fort Mill hasn’t been one in a very long time. Rolling fields, goats in pastures, yards. That’s right, I said yards. It’s this type of land that expands in front, back, and on the sides of houses, usually big enough to play a game of tag on, or even a game of catch.

That’s this old game where you stand far enough apart to throw a ball to one another, without hitting someone’s windshield. You cannot touch a neighbor’s house from your yard when you have the proper amount of yard.

Festivals used to be held on Main Street, and Halloween used to be held in neighborhoods, it was called Trick or Treating, and we never went to a church to dig for candy out of a trunk. We also didn’t have a coyote problem.

Go ahead and kill all the coyotes. Have fun when your eco system crashes and burns and you’re overrun with snakes. Because that’s what you’ll be upset about next. It will be all about “We’ve got snake problems!” And after you kill all the snakes, you’ll cry and whine about your rat problems. How many of these coyotes have snarled and viciously attacked you, in a rabid pack of matted fur and crushing jaws?

Now ask yourself how many times a Copperhead threatened your safety? Oddly enough, you’re not on a rampant rage, tagging and removing every snake. Which can, by the way, come up through your pipes. Coyotes, by the way, will fish for them and kill them for you. I can hear you saying “Oh, hey, yeah, the growth in this town provides all sorts of jobs, thank you very much.” You know what else provides jobs? Farms. But go ahead and keep drinking your frozen, never fresh, strawberry smoothies, and eating your overpriced, trucked in organic lettuce, because there’s no room anymore for farms in this town.

A Dairy Queen next to Bruster’s Ice Cream is way more important in my book, too. And, maybe, if we’re lucky, later down the road the wildlife of York County will band together and build casinos, and we can all go and party together like old friends. It will be called Coyote Casino, and they’ll teach us the ancient ways of pest control, and if we’re really lucky, the tribute band Extinct Bee’s will put on a concert for us.

Looks like Jesus died for your sins, and his handiwork is dying for your convenience.

This story was originally published April 5, 2017 at 4:55 PM with the headline "Opinion: Coyote problem in Fort Mill and Tega Cay? You’re not looking at the big picture."