Opinion: Christmas… I mean Holiday… Uh, December Elementary Play?

Last week, I attended what I thought was my daughter’s fourth grade holiday play at Doby’s Bridge Elementary School. I knew my favorite Christmas songs like, “Mary’s Baby” or “Little Drummer Boy” would not make the cut, but I hoped for some religion neutral songs like “Frosty” or “Rudolph” sung by kids dressed in earmuffs and parkas skating on a lake of tin foil.

I realize it might be hypocritical of me to want to hear these Christmas songs because of my distaste for organized-big-business churches, but I still hoped (I think my mom just rolled over in her urn).

When I was handed my program I muttered, “what the...?!” (I blame the Marine Corps for the inner monologue curses). There were no cute hand-drawn snowflakes, snowmen or reindeer adorning the pages, but instead just a bland title.

The play was about a child who could not behave and made poor choices. The children were adorable and you could tell the kids all worked hard learning lines and practicing songs. The plot and the lines were carefully crafted to erase reference to anything remotely related to religion or any holiday festivity in general, except for one of the main characters named “Akbar.” The second word screamed and celebrated by every terrorist and suicide bomber was in the super-vanilla, vehemently religion neutral and ultra non-holiday elementary play.

I cannot repeat what my inner monologue was saying to me, but I can assure you it was not nice.

I thought about being offended until I realized due to my demographic I am not allowed that privilege. No demonstrating here, CVS is safe tonight.

So, instead of having those warm and fuzzy feelings that I always have after watching Albert Finney’s, “A Christmas Carol” (you know that feeling that makes you want to go give away your entire paycheck for charity), I sulked home wondering about that Akbar character.

If you are going to erase all references to any religions, holidays or American traditions, then be complete in your exclusiveness.

Merry Christmas.

This story was originally published December 14, 2015 at 9:54 AM with the headline "Opinion: Christmas… I mean Holiday… Uh, December Elementary Play?."