How can parents help youths deal with mental health struggles? SC experts weigh in
Sometimes the simplest answers can be the most important. So, how can parents help their children cope with mental health challenges?
“It all starts with communication,” said Courtney Jones, a school social worker with almost two decades experience, with Clover School District. “Communication from a standpoint that you’re really curious what their experiences are.”
Parents should be aware of mood changes, what their children do on a regular basis, friend groups, and changes in sleeping patterns, Jones said.
Parents also can coach themselves to ask children questions that lead to true back-and-forth conversations. It’s a challenge for many parents, particularly of middle or high school students who may prefer single word answers.
“Students will be pretty honest if you ask them,” Jones said. “But I think the relationship has to be there, to where they feel open enough to tell you what’s going on.”
Tamara Edrington, director of Catawba Mental Health Center through the South Carolina Department of Mental Health, agrees that parents need to work past the “how are you,” surface level conversations. It takes time and consistent interest to get at how a young person feels or thinks.
“Not to badger them in any way,” Edrington said. “But to let them know it’s an open dialogue and we can talk about anything. When children feel their most comfortable and when they feel like whatever they say will be accepted without repercussions, that’s when they start to let guards down.”
One strategy she suggests is the use of a journal.
A parent can place one in a child’s room and let the child open up in writing. The parent can respond in the same journal. Many young people simply don’t like to be looked at during a conversation, Edrington said.
“Sometimes speaking is harder,” she said.
Many children lack coping skills and the ability to adapt to different situations, Shomate said. An outlet, or someone a child can communicate with outside the home, is useful, she said. As is a focus in the home on the importance of mental health.
“If your mental health is not in a good place, you’re never going to be able to achieve,” Shomate said. “The math isn’t going to make sense if the anxiety is so high that you can’t focus.”
Don’t assume everything is OK
One key action to take for those who may be concerned about a loved one’s well-being is to simply check in, said Dr. Brian Mika, a psychiatrist at Piedmont Medical Center in Rock Hill.
“You might think that someone has everything that they ever wanted in life — won awards, great jobs, great degrees, perfect everything,” he said. “But you can never assume that everything is great, so ask, ‘How are you doing? How is everything?’”
For those who are specifically worried about suicide, Mika said it’s important to not shy away from asking about or addressing it directly.
“A lot of times people who are suicidal are in pain and they want to stop the pain,” he said. “If you ask, ‘Are you thinking of hurting yourself?’ Their honest answer might be, ‘No, I want to stop the pain. I don’t want to hurt myself.’ If you use the words, ‘Are you thinking about dying? Death? Are you thinking about suicide?’ And if they answer, ‘Yes,’ you have that conversation. You don’t assume just because something on the outside looks great.”
He said don’t hesitate to get help for someone who may be struggling.
Those concerned about a loved one, or need assistance for themselves, can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline or 911, Mika said.
“Believe me, it is much, much better to have someone call you and say, ‘What were you doing sending someone over here?’ than to say, ‘I wish I had got some help for this person when I had the chance,’” Mika said.
He emphasized the normalcy of going to therapy. He said seeking therapy for anxiety or depression does not always result in medication. He said for most people, therapy involves talking through stressors.
“Athletes call it coaching,” he said. “Learning not to have a panic attack when a ball goes 80 miles an hour near your head is the exact same principle as learning not to have a panic attack when you’re driving to work or in the middle of the day. They just call it coaching but it’s cognitive behavioral therapy.”
Access to help with mental health problems
Industry after industry faced some level of labor shortage during the COVID pandemic. Mental health professionals are no exception.
“Keeping staff right now has been our biggest struggle,” Edrington said.
It’s the case in the Catawba region, but also nationwide. Resignations peaked right around 2020, Edrington said. A typical turnover rate in her field is about five years. There’s a revolving door due to burnout and workload. Some people stay in the job no more than six months or a year, Edrington said.
“Because of the increased pace right now and just the fear stemming from the pandemic,” she said.
People in need of mental health services feel the impact.
“When there’s a lack of staff, there’s just a lack of services,” Edrington said.
Rachel Shomate, the lead mental health counselor for the Fort Mill School District, said there’s a general lack of mental health and psychiatry programs in York County. There’s a therapist shortage, and wait lists of 100 or more patients. Shomate’s office gets constant parent concern about service options three or four months out.
“Your kid needs help now, and you’re looking at three to four months,” she said. “We’re out of school at that point. Not that the issues won’t still be there. But these kids... we need intervention now.”
At maybe $600 a month for the services a child might need in a private setting, finances also are a challenge. Especially, Shomate said, for families with multiple children, and on limited budgets.
Edrington sees clinicians in schools as a vital piece of what her office does. Serving students there means parents don’t have to take off work, and students don’t have to wait for appointments. Yet her office needs clinicians.
“Not only are we seeing a ton of employees resigning, but we are seeing a lack of eligible, qualified applicants for the vacant positions,” Edrington said.
In a school setting, mental health professionals could see several dozen students a week. Plus, there are crisis interventions. All on a teacher’s salary in a field where burnout already is high, Shomate said. Then there is the mental strain on therapists or counselors.
“If you mentally can’t sustain it, this is not the field for you,” Shomate said. “The case loads are high, the expectations are high... The needs are way up here.”
This story was originally published April 1, 2022 at 10:43 AM.
