They sicced the cops and prosecutors on me -- and I still cheated and came in last.
Thursday’s “celebrity” doughnut eating contest -- using the word loosely as a pool hustler’s morals if I was smack in the middle -- at Krispy Kreme in Rock Hill kicked off three days of York County cops on the roof collecting money for Special Olympics. Police will man the roof of the store and parking lot hoping to collect $20,000 or more for area athletes to participate in games around the area, state and country.
“Special Olympics is a great cause, and we love doing this event for the athletes who benefit,” said Det. Phil Tripp of the Rock Hill Police Department and the York County Law Enforcement Torch Run Campaign. “Except for you, Dys. I have a yellow flag for you. Penalty flag. No cheating.”
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“I volunteer to give him the Taser,” said Capt. Mark Bollinger of Rock Hill Police Department.
Capt. Glen Williams of the York County sheriff’s office offered handcuffs and a smiling leer.
There are doughnut eating contests Friday and Saturday. Friday at 2 p.m. pits cops against firefighters and EMS, and a public contest Saturday at 2 p.m. An entry fee of $20 gets you a glutton spot for charity and a T-shirt fit for a glutton. But for publicity, organizers invited public figures and the media Thursday to kick off the event.
Politicians and public figures love any publicity. See Donald Trump.
Media, they love themselves. Again, see Donald Trump.
The contest is who can eat a dozen doughnuts fastest -- or the most within five minutes. Participants were city of Rock Hill lawyer Paul Dillingham, York County Manager Bill Shanahan, radio personality Mario Washington and York County Councilman Chad Williams. All were good sports. Some TV and media people participated, using the windows of the store as mirrors to look at themselves.
16th Circuit Solicitor Kevin Brackett stood two feet away from me -- a contestant and hawk using his prosecutor talons at chicanery. Former prosecutor and cop Tommy Pope, now a politician in the state legislature, was put right next to me.
“Ex-cop, doughnut eater,” Pope said of himself.
Of me, he just sneered.
I ate two doughnuts, gave away 10 others through illegal cheating despite Pope and Brackett and a penalty flag, and again came in last. It was all for a good cause and all were good sports.
Wait ’til next year.
Want to Help?
Cops on Top roof fundraiser for Special Olympics at Krispy Kreme 7 a.m.-11 p.m. Thursday-Saturday in Rock Hill, 1525 Celanese Road. Friday at 2 p.m. is the cops vs. firefighters vs. EMS eating contest. Saturday at 2 p.m. is a public contest for a $20 donation.