Well, Apple rolled out its iPhone 42 this week and, sorry to say, it doesn’t look much different from its predecessor or offer any new features that will give customers goosebumps.
The holographic iPhone 42 still weighs nothing and, like the iPhone 41, operates on an energy cell that is swallowed. It still comes in any color that can be imagined by the owner.
The subconscious control feature, which allows the phone to operate by reading the owner’s brain waves, again will be standard on the new model. But it has been tweaked to remain functioning while we sleep, so we now will be able to learn a new language, read long Russian novels or study for exams as we slumber.
Like the iPhone 41, the new model also will include the combination laser cutting torch and self-defense light sword, the eyeball-recognition locking and ignition device for self-driving cars, and a bottle opener. This phone also is compatible with thousands of virtual reality apps, but added fees can be costly.
Older apps such as “Skiing Everest” and “Date With Naughty Nancy” still run only a few dollars a month. But newer offerings such as “Mars Party,” “Lava Surfing” and “Elvis Returns” may run twice as much.
In recent years, iPhones have been the go-to instrument for those who rarely leave home. The iPhone 42 doesn’t disappoint in that respect.
It still features the 3D food constructor but offers a number of new selections, including “Let’s Eat Soy Tonight!” and “Give Insects a Try.” Sadly, the iPhone 42, like the 41, still hasn’t mastered a decent glutonium burger.
The sturdy light diffraction unit Apple has been using for years still gives viewers access to 3D interactive events or allows owners to film their own – another reason to stay home. And, to keep things comfortable, the solar panels on the iPhone 42 are guaranteed to heat or cool an average home for up to a century.
The iPhone has been waterproof for decades. But Apple now is pushing an add-on that turns the phone into an underwater breathing device with an unlimited air supply. This can be coupled with the supersonic submarine app on the new Apple Watch, which makes for some oceangoing fun.
And, as with previous models, if you want to spend the night on the beach, the iPhone 42 can be expanded into a tent with foam-filled sleeping cots and a whirlpool bath.
So why aren’t we that excited about Apple’s latest launch? Well, one big shortcoming is that with the iPhone 42, we still can fly for only a few thousand miles at low altitudes before having to replace the frictionless coating on the air pods. With the rival Samsung Galaxy S70, we can go practically coast to coast on one pod change and, as far as altitude is concerned, the sky’s the limit.
We also would have to say that the out-of-body experience that comes with the iPhone 42 is no big improvement on the 41 model and doesn’t really measure up to competitors out there.
All in all, this is a couple of steps forward for Apple but also a lot of running in place. A little underwhelming!
And how long are they going to keep us waiting for the much-anticipated heart transplant app?
James Werrell is opinion page editor of The Herald.