Leave Valentine’s Day to the young

Ah, Valentine’s Day, how do I hate thee, let me count the ways.

Something about this holiday makes my teeth ache. Actually, it’s a combination of things – the pressure to observe it being the first among them.

I hate the commercialization, the coercion to buy fantastically overpriced flowers at the last minute or some dumb card with a thoughtless ditty that will be tossed in the recycling bin in a day or two. And if you buy her flowers and a card, she’s thinking, “Couldn’t he come up with something more original. At least I could have eaten chocolates.”

And of course it’s expected that we go out to dinner or something. Couldn’t we just have creamed chipped beef on toast, which we both love, and sit around in sweat clothes and watch TV like we always do?

Isn’t that kind of wonderful familiarity, when you really think about it, an expression of true love, sort of?

I know, there are countless couples out there who insist we need to keep that romantic spark alive and keep celebrating Valentine’s Day even when – or especially when – we’ve been together since the earth cooled. With that kind of thinking, you’re likely to end up in a hot-air balloon, spilling cheap champagne you’ll pay a fortune for and wondering whether you’re going to clear that power line.

I don’t, for a moment, doubt older couples’ devotion to each other. But Valentines Day, as decreed by the laws of nature, is for young lovers. It’s for lovers in full swoon.

It’s for lovers who actually take the time to write a sonnet themselves instead of relying on the hacks at Hallmark to do it for them.

It’s for lovers who have a special dinner at their favorite restaurant even when they should spend the money on gas, rent and student loans instead. It’s not for guys who come home and say, “Happy Valentine’s Day, honey, I got steaks. Big thick ones!”

Valentine’s Day is for thoughtful lovers who plan ahead, thinking hard about the perfect object or act that will truly express the incalculable depth of their devotion. It’s not for lovers who realize it’s Valentine’s Day on Valentine’s Day.

This holiday, craven and commercial as it is, can be transformed by true love into something beautiful and meaningful if you are desperate enough to go to the trouble. But who, other than the young and lusty, has the time or the energy these days?

Here’s a suggestion for the longtime lovers who don’t often find themselves staring into the limpid pools of each other’s eyes, who haven’t felt their pulses quicken at the brush of each other’s fingertips for a month or two, who haven’t recently walked together in the pouring rain, shielded only by the sheer joy of being in love, who haven’t felt weak, short of breath and clammy because their lovers haven’t texted them in over 30 minutes, who haven’t held hands for hours lately while trying to spot clouds that look like animals or everyday objects, who haven’t, in the past couple of years, slept together on a twin-sized bed by choice.

For those who don’t fall into the category of insanely, crazily in hot love, here’s my suggestion regarding Valentine’s Cay: Skip the corny stuff. Get yourself a bottle of the good stuff (your preference), a big bag of potato chips and some onion dip, and see where things go.

This story was originally published February 12, 2015 at 5:53 PM with the headline "Leave Valentine’s Day to the young."