We’re probably better off not messing with Texas.
As you may have read, the Pentagon is preparing to launch one of the biggest peacetime military exercises in six decades in July. It will include thousands of Army Rangers, Green Berets, Navy SEALS and other special operations forces simulating battles in remote areas of the Lone Star State (as well as parts of Arizona, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, New Mexico and Utah). It’s plain to see that this would be the perfect opportunity for the U.S. government to seize control of Texas.
That wouldn’t be easy. Texans inevitably would put up a fight.
The homeland defense undoubtedly would include at least one and probably several suicidal last stands, a la the Alamo. “Remember the Pecos Elks Club” might not have the ring of immortality to it, but it could be an effective rallying cry for a while.
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In the end, though, despite a hefty arsenal of personal firearms and an overabundance of spunk, the Texans surely would succumb to the most elite forces of the U.S. military. But what then?
There would be some mopping-up, skirmishes with diehard Texans who refuse to surrender. Ted Cruz would be dragged to a maximum-security pen. And the feds no doubt would have to provide protection for the hippies, musicians, potheads and techno-geeks in Austin who had refused to take up arms.
There would be a number of grizzled loners living with the rattlers, scorpions and prairie dogs in West Texas who wouldn’t have gotten the word that there was a war gong on. They would have to be rounded up and indoctrinated.
Then, of course, it would be years of re-education camps, social engineering to make Texan children renounce their parents, confiscation of pickups, cowboy boots, gun racks and other artifacts of Texas culture. That’s a lot of trouble, even for an aspiring dictator like Barack Obama.
Besides, it looks as if the Texans are on to this scheme. They are busily spreading the word via the Internet that Operation Jade Helm 15 is a dastardly, lowdown plot to invade the state.
And lest you think the notion that President Obama wants to take over Texas is just a paranoid delusion on the part of some loco right-wing coots who have consumed a few too many Lone Star longnecks while sitting in their root cellars waiting for the end times, well, think again. None other than the governor of the great state of Texas seems to be a believer, too!
Gov. Gregg Abbot has ordered the Texas State Guard to keep an eye on the exercises. Just in case. And Guard officials have declared that they stand ready to support the governor of Texas when called upon to serve.
So, it appears that Obama is a little late in launching his secret attack. He and his Kenyan Muslim allies ultimately would prevail, but at what cost?
An easier solution might have been inadvertently provided by Abbott’s predecessor, Rick Perry, during the 2012 presidential primaries. As Perry noted in a speech at the time, the state Constitution allows Texas to secede from the union anytime it chooses. (That isn’t really in the Texas state Constitution, but so what?)
Let Texas secede, and immediately construct a 10-foot security fence with motion-sensor cameras around its perimeter so we don’t get a lot of Texans trying to enter the U.S. illegally. (Willie Nelson and his tour bus could be airlifted out.)
Eventually the U.S. could work through back channels to establish an embassy in Dallas. We could engineer trade agreements so Americans once again could purchase real Texas smoked brisket. The Cowboys would be allowed to play in the NFL again.
But Obama also would achieve his nefarious dream of getting rid of one of the reddest states in the nation. Texas would be the first domino to fall. Then, it’s on to Oklahoma, Kansas, Wyoming ... the world!
Texans must be thinking, “Where’s Sam Houston when you need him?”
James Werrell, Herald opinion page editor, can be reached at 329-4081 or, by email, at firstname.lastname@example.org.